What will it take to make me stand up straight?
Afraid I‘ll break
From the routine of moving unaccompanied through the minefield
Stepping cautiously, overtly aware
Why do I care ?
Why do I carry this heavy load weighed down on all sides?
Broken inside, crumbling walls that trip me up, and mossy rocks that make me slip and slide
Overhearing , overdoing , pockets filled with stones
Alone yet surrounded by noise.
Why do I give my voice a polished whisper that hushes me on every turn?
Underneath the yelling screaming burning roars of woe
Fill the empty corners of the world
Others hear them but they turn and run pretend they’re deaf
They shrug and tuck themselves away in holes buried deep below
They rock and cradle bodies shook with grief
And all alone a baby swaddled in stone cries out for warmth, for an embrace
The sun aches to shine from behind dark clouds.
Why do I care so much?
Now numb to the touch,
Swept away by crashing waves, they stand and stare,
Oblivious to my roars, their ears full of sand,
Bodies taut, eyes down, they fold back into the earth.
There is always a sense of new beginnings around this time as we settle into our space and heads and prepare to cosy ourselves in new projects, dreams for the next year and a time to renew our energies and rest up.
I am excited about the coming months as I have decided, finally to try my hand at devising a new piece of work. I am reluctant to say ‘theatre’ as I feel quite panicked whenever I have to put myself into a box. I consider myself an artist and now is my opportunity to explore all that potential I have stored up over many winters never to see the light of a New Year.
I have often asked myself, over and over, why are you not creating all the time? What is stopping you? What are the obstacles? Why? I see others making work and I am frustrated by my own procrastination, my inertia, my fear I suppose.
So this winter I am going to try explode those frustrations and worries,break open the obstacles and see what lies beneath. I hope to liberate myself from whatever it is that holds me back.
It will be an investigation, a revealing of some sort and I hope others will join me on this journey so there can be many voices not just my own. I remember when I was studying dance part time in London and I was elected class representative. I really enjoyed this role as I helped others articulate their ideas and concepts, their movement. The processes by which we create works of art intrigue me and I wish to study them closely .
I live in Co.Wicklow in Ireland in a rural place, with my nearest town 12 miles away and about 1 hour and a half from Dublin.
Living rural has its advantages , surrounded by beautiful landscape,peace and serenity, idyllic for children and the rural sense of communities still strong.As an artist who needs people to collaborate and work with it can be an isolating experience, day in day out of looking through the window at other creatives making work in the urban centres where its easy to find participants, networks, supports and transport is not an issue. Rural arts projects especially those in theatre, dance etc don’t seem to exist, in my opinion and its very hard to find participants and also source funding. I have tried already with a one woman show, which could have been perceived as a’ vanity project’ but that was all I had at the time, me,myself and I and I knew I could rely on me to make it happen and deliver. Now I have grown in confidence, now is the time to share the experience with others, allow them to inform and drive the work also. All those ideas that have been fizzing about in that brain of mine will surface to the top, the kaleidoscope will reveal its ever changing patterns and me with a fine tooth comb will begin my work.
I cannot wait to get into a space and start the work.
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