Be the light in someone else’s eyes.
When does doubt and the constant fear in making life decisions creep in or is it just part of our make up?
We are bent on survival and when pushed our fight or flight instincts kick and mostly we overcome the obstacles in front of us. Looking at my own life and reflecting on how I made decisions, how long it took me to make some of these decisions and the doubts I faced in doing so. It leads me to reflect on what slowed me down, what made me hesitant. Lots of factors contributed, no doubt about that in my early years and following experiences but I still feel it is something within me, a conflict of sorts.
I have a strong inner belief but the external world has always made me question everything I believe in. It’s probably due to the feeling of being judged, or not measuring up to the hidden standards that seem to be everywhere. The invisible walls surrounding me. Time spent procrastinating and unsure of my footing. I am getting better at recognising it and not allowing it to overwhelm me.
How come others seem so confident about their decisions in life? Or do they just present a relief and confidence after they have taken the decision? We don’t get to see what came before. Some people are very private about their anxieties and don’t share what it may have taken to get where they are now. Perhaps their inner belief carries over to their their outer belief and the world looks at them differently in some way?
For me it is about listening. Wanting to listen. Listening to others and listening to yourself. To that inner voice that gets lost under all the stress and negative noise. Listening even when you know you might not like what you hear. As someone who is quite open with my thoughts and experiences I find comfort in sharing and listening to others talk about their own doubts and fears. Because that’s all they are. Doubts and Fears.
Doubt– to be uncertain about something, or to believe that something may not be true or unlikely. (Merriam-Webster)
Fear – a painful emotion experienced in the presence or expectation of danger. (Merriam-Webster)
Doubt throws us off balance and stops us moving forward. Fear is an emotion that we need to wrestle with in order to make that first step. Doubt is manifested and created by our minds, it comes from within and slows down our decision making. Sometimes it can overpower us and then Fear, the strong emotion, takes hold, removing the last spark of spontaneity or creativity and one of those huge invisible walls appear.
I don’t know if we always recognise it in ourselves, when we doubt ourselves and act out of fear. I know I definitely can hear it in others voices and this helps me become more aware that it’s something that can be altered within myself, it can be examined, and brought to the surface, losing its power.
It can hurt our brains to explore these parts of ourselves. There is a feeling of congestion or a sensation of wanting to cry but not be able to. Emotions rise only to be pushed back down again. Giving more power for Fear to grow and fill the space where the light should be. In my life I have always had to fight and break down these walls.
I know I created them a lot of them myself so it requires extra effort to demolish them. But I now realise that this effort need not be so exhausting, Achieving this can be by done practising awareness, breathing and not being so hard on myself. Connecting to the earth. Always looking for a creative exploration full of joy and curiosity.
I strongly believe that a strong connection to the imagination and creativity is necessary to sustain and nurture us. I feel creativity is vital to our life force to instil hope and belief .We are that light and we can only shine brighter by helping each other find theirs.