It’s the crack of dawn in the West of Ireland. I have had a good sleep and the kids are still sleeping soundly,the house is quiet and my head is running through ideas for my next blog. I like to try and keep it organic, go with the flow and write about the things that are on my mind at present.
So let’s go. My mind at the moment, I imagine is like a lot of womens’, concerned with weight. That’s right, I think I am FAT. As far as I know I have always thought I was fat even when I was much thinner. It’s only now looking back at those old photos that I yearn to be that ‘fat’ again.
The funny thing is most who know me pre baby weight and now will probably nod their heads in agreement with that as women in my opinion are the most judgemental, unintentionally, sometimes when it comes to weight. It really is something we are slightly obsessed with, going on and on about it.
I always know when someone who hasn’t seen me in awhile does not say ‘You look great’ that I still have weight on and my physical figure does not warrant that compliment. That’s okay,it’s better to be honest with me.
But it is a little bit of a pointless excursion worrying about your weight, it’s far more productive to do something about it. And sometimes that can be hard. Stop listening to others advice about diet, eating sensibly, do this, do that. Find your own thing, connect with your body. Listen to your body. This is coming from someone who was slim and then had two children, which saw my weight soar and never really return to pre baby figure. I ran a half marathon, I attended a year long dance course, (weekends but intense), was always active but not active in the sense of the word when I was younger, cycling all the time, constantly on the go with alot more free time to devote to physical fitness.
Having children sees you confined quite a lot to your home, so it’s harder to go with the natural flow of exercise. Personally, after my first child I felt like my metabolism came to a screeching halt and I didn’t recognise myself anymore. I looked in the mirror and this slightly overweight older woman was looking back at me. Who the hell is she I thought?
Now as an actor weight is very important and it’s slightly demoralising to have weight on and know that you are probably overlooked for roles because of this, even if you did a great audition. That is the reason I am writing this I suppose as I want to acknowledge that we are not all naturally skinny, and the film industry is saturated with near skeletal actresses who once upon a time had nice natural figures. It doesn’t half put the pressure on the rest of us not so naturally skinny ladies.
But that’s the nature of the industry, the camera adds weights, fattens and flattens, blah de blah..I get it,I get it..
My personal goal right now is to return to my original weight, probably still considered overweight for film but you know what, I will feel a million dollars when I get there.I am doing yoga now every day and feel lighter in myself, feel the tone and strength from within. Its been a tough battle to get to a place where I can find the time to exercise every day and actually enjoy it and not feel like its another household chore. Yoga is cool, I have never really appreciated how cool it is, maybe I was put off by the hippy dippy everyobody wants to live in India and study yoga vibe, become a baba and talk about our nadis all day long sipping herbal tea. By the way my husband is Indian and it was not him who initiated my yoga practice so that does say something doesnt it? Even though he has more of an understanding and inherent natural attitude to yoga as it’s part of his culture.
Anyhow I am feeling it, stretching it out, toning it up, and starting to see the results. It will take some time and I look forward to the day when people say ‘You look great’ and it’s a response to how good I truly look.